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Your Guide to Finding the Legendary Designated Driver

There is no creature more beautiful and unique than that of the legendary ‘Soberius Driverdica’ – more commonly known as a sober driver. Soberius Driverdica is a diverse and varied species, with many breeds and subspecies. We’ve outlined the top three here and created a guide to tracking and taming these elusive beings just in time for the holiday season. Remember – if you look after them, they’ll look after you!

Designatus Driverdica

Subspecies: Friendico, Colleagueus, and Familius

The Designatus Driverdica breed comes in three main subspecies: Friendico – often found joining you for brunch or the local footy games, Colleagueus – who gather in groups at your workplace, and Familius – who can also go by the names Siblingo, Parentus, or Cousinera.

Alcoholus Abstainia

Possibly the rarest of the Soberius Driverdica genus, many people ruthlessly hunt Alcoholus Abstainia because they automatically assume they’re available as a sober driver – so the key is a calm approach with offers of food, money or any other personal items Abstainia may enjoy. Some Abstainia, (who can also come from the Familius subspecies) may be juvenile members of the herd who have their licence but are not yet old enough to partake in activities with the elders of the group.

Tracking and caring for Designatus Driverdica and Alcoholus Abstania

It’s best to ask Driverdica or Abstainia for any driving favours well in advance of any party you wish to attend. Offers of food, money or other wished-for items will help sweeten the deal. The holiday season is a busy time for all Soberius Driverdica, so if they have other plans or can’t drive, don’t push them.

Often where others fall short is care of the Soberius Driverdica during the party (if they’re there with you). Don’t forget to check on them every so often and make sure they’re having a good time. Be flexible with them if they wish to leave a bit earlier than you do. If they’re picking you up, agree on a time beforehand, otherwise pick a reasonable hour for which the latest they’ll pick you up will be.

Uberco (also known as the Taxiverus Cabrideus)

This group is certainly the easiest to track – though some can get pricy! You’ll find Taxiverus Cabrideus throughout most of the country, while you’ll only find Uberco in a few of the main cities. Some may have bright plumage or signs on their vehicles, and gather in packs near large social functions or events.

Unlike other Soberius Driverdica, the vehicle of the Uberco and Taxiverus Cabrideus is one of, or the main source of income for the family unit. Politeness and friendliness are must-haves, and take care not to damage the vehicle in any way.

We’re grateful to all Soberius Driverdica, the legendary beings who ensure the safety of everyone on the road. Happy holidays everyone!